How Shame Shows Up in The Body
I’m wrong …
I’m bad…
I’m unworthy …
These are quiet, painful beliefs that grow out of relational trauma - the moments when our sense of self worth and belonging was shaken, often without words or memory.
The Roots of Shame
As human beings, we are wired to belong. From birth, we expect to be cherished, to be met with kindness and gentle care. A newborn assumes they will be held with affection, and a child naturally overflows with love, curiosity, and joy.
But if that love and excitement was met instead with anger, withdrawal, or indifference, the child’s nervous system learns something profound and painful:
“When I reach out, I’m not met.”
Over time, that unmet need becomes a sense of personal wrongness. Developmental psychologist Allan Schore describes this as “shame (or fear) without solution” — a feeling of distress that has nowhere to go, no one to soothe it.
When our efforts to connect are not received, we can begin to believe:
“My needs don’t matter.”
“I don’t have an impact.”
“I’m not worth caring for.”
This loss of agency can lead to disconnecting — not only from others, but from our own body and choices.
A Gentle Word to Parents
If you’re a parent (as I am), please take a breath here.
None of us can meet every need, every time. We are all imperfect.
When my daughter comes running to show me her drawing and I’m tired or distracted, her joy isn’t always met with my full attention. That’s part of being human. What matters most is not perfection, but repair — coming back together after moments of misattunement.
Being a “good enough” parent means showing up with care most of the time, and making the effort to reconnect when we miss.
How Shame Feels in the Body
Shame isn’t just emotional — it’s visceral. It lives in the nervous system.
When shame arises, our physiology shifts from sympathetic arousal (the energy of excitement or distress) into a shutdown response. The dorsal vagal system, our oldest survival pathway, takes over.
The body of shame looks like collapse:
Head and shoulders drop.
The chest sinks.
Breath becomes shallow.
You might want to hide, run, or disappear.
Some describe it as “going blank.” Others, like Wille (2013), call it “a dense fog that distorts vision… a heaviness pressing down at the top of the back.”
In shame, we instinctively want to withdraw — to hide the self until it feels safe again to re-emerge.
When shame is unconscious or chronic, it can lead to a shame–rage cycle — moments where deep vulnerability flips into anger or defensiveness. This often happens when our need for connection meets exposure or perceived rejection.
How Trauma Sensitive Yoga Helps Heal Shame
Shame lives in the body as sensation. And because of that, no amount of talking about shame can fully reach it. It must be felt, met, and moved through — safely and gently.
If shame is a disconnection from the self, then yoga can be a reconnection.
It offers a way to return — slowly — to your own body and to re-establish safety within.
TSY is not only about the poses — it’s deeply relational.
The facilitator’s tone, presence, and genuine kindness can become a new kind of mirror. When someone meets you with gentleness and respect — without judgment or expectation — it offers a powerful corrective emotional experience.
In that safe relational field, the nervous system learns something new:
“I am not being watched or evaluated — I am being accompanied.”
This can begin to soften the inner critic, that harsh internal voice that formed from earlier experiences of shame or rejection.
Over time, the facilitator’s compassionate attunement can help you internalize a new voice — one that is curious, kind, and forgiving. Through this steady, respectful presence, the body begins to trust again.
What once felt like a hostile inner landscape becomes a space where kindness can take root.
Each small act of awareness becomes a message to the self:
“I am worthy of being felt.”
“I am worthy of care.”
“I belong here.”
In contrast to the blankness of shame, yoga invites aliveness — the willingness to feel, to be here, to belong.
Reclaiming the Body
A regulated, responsive nervous system is the foundation of a stable sense of self.
Through yoga, you can gently explore what it feels like to inhabit your body again — to move, notice, and choose.
Sometimes that might mean exploring shapes that counter shame — a lifted chest, an open heart, the strength of a warrior pose. Not to perform or fix anything, but to experiment with what openness feels like in your own body.
In time, these movements can help dissolve the inner critic that says you’re not enough.
Because each time you meet your body with awareness, you are quietly affirming:
“I am here.”
“I am allowed to feel.”
“I am worthy of belonging.”